I can’t seem to get the dog to stop chasing people on a bicycle. I think we’re going to have to take the bike away.
Why do ducks have tail feathers? To hide their butt quacks.
Q: Bob has fifteen boxes of Girl Scout Cookies. Each box has two sleeves. He eats twenty four sleeves. What does he have? A: Diabetes
I got this dog whistle at a silent auction. The mime was too expensive.
To be a legitimate dad joke, it must be apparent.
“Hey, kids… Hear about the biologist trying to make a frog live forever?” “No, dad, but you’re about to tell us.” “He’s removing its voice box so it can’t croak.”
“Kids, someone added dirt to the garden. The plot thickens.”
Why can’t T-Rex clap its hands? Because it’s dead.
Why don’t pharaohs celebrate Fathers Day? Because they are all mummies.
I have some puppets to give away. Nothing’s wrong with them. I just need someone to take them off my hands.